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5 Years Ago… 2019
I was 25. I had finished college 3 years earlier and I couldn't see the difference yet. You know the success that comes with college degree a supposed pay increase. Yeah I ain't see none of that. Not that I spent my time goofing off. I was focused and still ain't have a plan. So I ended up back home once again a place I knew I didn't want to be but it was a train I couldn't stop. It was too late. And this led to some of the worst years of my life.
Until oh there's a job with actual benefits and I get to move. To get out of this slump that I been in. I’ll try anything and I did for the next year of my life I kept my guard up and head down as best as I could. In survival mode once again, not sure if I’m doing this right or actually good at this, comparing myself to everyone on the team. Just this lack of confidence so again I'm ready for this to be over with and I’ll start my life again. I’ll start forreal.
Coworkers became friends became roommates when the job came to an end and again it wasn't long until I was on my way again. What's next? How can I start my life? Back “home” I go. Damn this again. But I’ll bounce back. I have to. I know I can. Long story short a series of start and stops. Maybe this is it I can only hope up until it's proven that it's not. 5 years later I am back on the search again. Still waiting for my life to start though at this point I have accepted that it already has with or without me.
5th Year Since… 2024
(Weeks ago)
I had a job interview today. Meanwhile I move and start another job in… 5 days now. And I’ve been waiting, ready to start this job or so I thought. I don't know how the interview went at all. It was round one and I didn't even know if I should go though I knew I had the other job when I submitted my application and everything I just started to think. I should let it go. I don't feel like answering the questions, performing, potential awkwardness, and the overall anxiety that just comes with it. Still I persisted and said the least I could do is go to the interview and learn about the position that seems to align with everything I could ever want out of a professional long term role.
Yeah, maybe I should not have gone to this interview, I'm thinking after the fact. The job is not perfect but it seems like it could be perfect for me if I was in the place to be able to commit to it because for one I literally have another job lined up that I have started investing in and preparing for already. Two, I have to be able to move to meet the requirements of that role and prepare for that, how I am going to prepare for that when I’ve already dedicated all of my limited resources to this first job? The timing once again is not right. I need a job and I take whatever is available to me. Plus the job that I’ve accepted has it's benefits too.
Still, if I was in another place in life, maybe years later I would have the professional role of my dreams. But I'm literally just now figuring all of this out. At 30 years old today I literally just confirmed I do have a dream professional role. I could see myself as a program coordinator for a program that is aligned with everything I do love on the traditional employment side. And this year I only solidified the fact that I do want to be an author and entrepreneur but I don't know. I guess I can't wish I would've known sooner, started sooner, mapped out where I wanted to be early on so I wouldn't even be writing this today. I’d probably be trying to tell others how to be successful. But here we are.
(Currently)
Today I'm 30 in the same place I was 5 years ago at age 25. But I chose it this time though I thought I'd fare better because I'm familiar but I'm not. I don't recognize this space. Man I miss my team. Though I didn't appreciate them when I had them. This is not how I wanted to be. But I'm here now and I want to show up better. I want to get more out of it than ever or at least than I did the first time.
Everything looks so old now. And I'm about to have a roommate at 30. I pray to God that doesn't happen. I need time alone. Came back here searching for the thing I didn't find the first time but maybe it'll be different. I'm different. Or am I? I know one thing about this is it for me loving this temporary life. Changing jobs. Changing locations. Buying beds. Leaving and losing. Starting over. Building back up only to repeat a cycle that doesn't nowhere near align with the stability I both want and need.
So what am I going to do different this time? First of all save my money! Second move into my own place this time! And last but not least start my business while I have this rusty cushion under me. It's not much but it's something. I'm earning it so it's worth it. I'm working. But despite the demand of a 8 to 5 I can't lose sight as I often do of this is temporary. This is going to end and I have enough years to know that so this is my plan. Still trying to decide just how much to invest into my business and how much to save. No real bills at the moment but debt is real so yeah I got enough to pay. I have to manage better. And some extra income couldn't hurt. Plus this business is my end goal I don't see much for me in the traditional career side.
And I just have to start. That is the main thing. And when I start and it takes off even greater than I could expect I’ll be grateful I didn't wait because God showed me how good it can get.
5 Years From Now… 2029
I’m celebrating my 5th year of full time entrepreneurship. The business I started in 2025 is thriving on six figures but I’m so close to a million I know it won't be long. Any day now and I don't even have to worry about it can't say I knew all along but I always loved my vision for everything my brain and heart could conjure. That's been my driving force all along. The reason why I live.
I also an author of ⅔ books from the series that's been a long time coming. Longer than the business even. My first dream was real estate. My second was writing and I'm finally doing it and getting paid good for it. With all my ventures going on I am a multi-millionaire. I'm working on starting up my next business/component of it anyways since it's all connected. Everything I do is so no one else has to go through what I had to do through. I'm here as proof that it can be different.
Personally I am at joy as well. I feel so whole and peace like never before. I’ve been waiting my whole life for this and I'm living it. There's no waiting no more. I have my dream home, a brick ranch style four bedroom, three bath with a amazing basement that suites my home office for my business. My backyard even has the plum trees that remind me of when I was a little girl one of few pleasant memories from that time but I'm here now. I can finally genuinely say with gratitude I love my life.
I am at peace now of course with the much needed aid of therapy. My home is my sanctuary. My forever safe space to be any and everything I could ever dream. I am safe, whole, and secure. I am debt free. I am financially abundant. I can fulfill my every need and want. I am so free all around. I am healing. I am creative and creating. A life I enjoy living. The life of my dreams. I am everything I always knew I could be. I have the life of my dreams and now I love living. That's the main thing. That’s the real purpose that I am fulfilling.