In the past I’d always thought that certain years of my life were make or break, all or nothing. My graduating high school was one, to starting college, to transferring schools, to graduating college, to starting a certain job, to moving into a certain place, to moving out of state, etc. I thought that all of those moments were it. They felt like my only chance to get it right and fix my life every single time. They felt like my only hope. Yet still, when they didn’t go as planned and things didn’t turn out as I wanted leading to all kinds of fallouts such as getting my heart broke, dealing with severe sadness and anger, feeling really unconfident, losing people I cared about, losing half to all of my belongings a couple times, losing all the money I spent and energy I put in, losing years of my life that I can’t get back; I kind of quickly started to learn that I just had to keep trying.
I was always a sensitive kid but I never let it show unless I just absolutely could not control it, I was the type to go cry alone and dry my eyes pretending I wasn’t when someone finally noticed or decided to ask me what was wrong. I’ve never thought of myself as resilient but now that I think about it… The fact that I’m still here and still sane is amazing. Here I am with another job, living on my own in a new location, working on my entrepreneur things. And I still feel all of the things that I’ve been through. The years of prior life experiences and how I’m used to reacting sometimes slip through but I shut my mouth before too much can come out if it’s not already too late. I at least attempt to fix my face and realize that I chose this current situation that I’m in very much knowingly this time. So everything that comes from it won’t be a surprise. I’ve prepared myself better by doing something that I never do which is going back to what’s familiar.
But I wanted to this time. I’m always on the move. One thing ended and I needed another opportunity and I didn’t have the time to wait for risk of losing my mind in a circumstance that seems to be on replay. I’m older now though. I think I’m finally starting to realize that I can choose what I want which can only come from knowing in the first place. Nowhere near self actualized but I’m starting to see patterns and connect the dots. I like this. I don’t like that. I want this. I don’t want that. I never saw myself with a choice before. But here I am and I can choose and I know in the past when I’ve had this freedom that’s when I’ve been the best version of myself. So this time that I have now I’m seeing it differently.
I’m thirty. I keep saying it I feel like as a result of disbelief. I don’t feel thirty. I’ve never felt grown. I still don’t think I would call myself that or an adult like my brain is just not that far along. My world is not free enough though technically I am. I just know this year is different and next year is my chance because I know now. I know what I want and how to get it. I know who I want to be. That’s Scottie Nia Rose, author and entrepreneur full time, in my own little home, debt free, at ease and at peace from all the times that I’ve been opposite of that. I started my entrepreneurship journey in 2023 and it’s the most beautiful thing that I’ve ever discovered. In fact I looked back at social media and I see that it’s been something on my spirit since high school. I wrote my first book in 2011 and now I have the business I always said I wanted. Though not launched yet I’ve been working steadily, doing what I can. This upcoming year though, 2025 is my chance.
A part of my life is ending and a new one has to start. I can’t go back to what I’ve become accustomed to personally or professionally. Those days are over which makes 2024 - 2025 critical. Because the work that I’m putting in now as I’m still employed full time and trying to first figure out still all the tangles of starting a business, I still have to balance it with my everyday living. I still have bills to pay. I see where I want to be beyond this moment and I can’t play. I really want to do this business thing and be successful. I’ve already started. I’ve already built the empire in my mind and I’ve been building it for a while. Now it’s just getting my vision earthside.
I want the businesses and books to be my source of freedom, ease, peace, joy, and creativity. Author and entrepreneur have to become a part of my identity. A lifestyle. I have to be all in. To create the life that I want for myself I now see a way. I now have a vessel. I’ve been given great opportunity and if I look at it hard enough then everything is starting to make sense. I don’t understand everything or believe everything happens for a reason but I see alignment forming as who I’ve always been is starting to show. I’ve always loved art, music, and writing. Never knew I could build a career out of it though until I witnessed some women that look like me say they did it and now I know it can be done. And I’m going to do it. I’m going to be brave enough to believe that I can create the life that I want versus accepting what I’ve been given. That’s why this next year is so critical.
I’m on the journey now. I’ve already started many years ago though if we want to be technical let’s just say 2023. I’ve been learning entrepreneurship as I go. I’ve been putting a lot of the pieces together on my own. And I can’t go back to hopping from job to job just to get by. I can’t go back to moving from place to place always knowing that it’s temporary so I never really embrace my life. I’ve always been on the move and onto the next but this. Entrepreneurship and being an author are now my vessel. My ultimate dream in life has always been to own a home and settle down with myself, and I never knew how that was going to happen. Now I do. I’m up at 6am Saturday currently writing this even though I should be sleep especially since I also wake up at 6am throughout the week and don’t get much rest in between. But I’m here. I’ve been here combing through my business and works in progress. Trying to save my money to invest into my future and my business because all of this is going to be self funded from a job where I already don’t make a lot but what other choice do I have is my thought. I can’t wait anymore.
I have a to-do list. I’m researching. I’m putting the pieces together as I go and I want to do this right because this is not a get rich quick scheme for me this is my life. So I’m focused. Exhausting myself as a resource because I never knew what I could do until I got the chance. I’ve been trying and learning so much. And the reality of the business world and all of those things still get deeper but I won’t let my lack of experience and expertise scare me away. Not when black women are still leading in the number of businesses started in these last few years. I look at every single one I come across as inspiration. Yes, this time is critical but I’m also patient and have grace with myself. I still want to take the authentic route. I still want to do business honestly and with integrity.
I still have a lot to figure out but I’m here dedicated. To creating and building the life that I want to see. The life that I know is for me. Because hopefully it’s not just my life that I change but someone who looks like me, someone who is what I was, a little girl, a lost teen, an indescribable young adult, that twenty something. My mission is for them. That’s also why this is so critical. If I would have never seen an example then I would have never even attempted to pursue this. If I would have never gotten exposed to an opportunity then I wouldn’t even be writing this now. I want to in no way be idolized but I just want someone to one day be able to look at me and see that if I made it so can they. But again it first starts with me doing everything I said I was going to do and I am. I’m going to do it. Watch me.