I'm here. I know it's been a while and I started off so hype to do all the things in order to get this business started. Even so much so that I foolishly thought I would launch my business thirty-eight days ago. I mean I was doing a whole countdown on my Instagram story due to the false hope and my desperate belief in wanting this business to be it, to be my thing, to be my purpose in life. How can it be my purpose though if I don't start?
I am ready to start because I feel like I am sort of in the final stages of getting everything together but then I also realize that I could still be so far away if things are not done right. And I want to do it right which also means for me getting my life together and just figuring out what that even means for my business. Things as simple as where is my business going to be located turns into life questions like what am I going to do after this job is done, where will I go, for how long, and all the things. I am at another transitional phase in my life but when am I ever not? And that's the thing. I have to have some stability for me business aside but especially if I want this business to work.
I have to be able to sit down in mental peace and physical comfort and truly focus in on that instead of constantly worrying about life. I know a lot of times entrepreneurship is making something out of nothing and hustling and grinding all the things, but I don't know if I can truly do it without some sanity and stability in my own life. So then does that mean that it's not for me? Again, it's all the questions and all the things as I am in the middle of a job search, that as time passes makes me realize maybe I don't have as many options as I thought. It's coming up on a month and fifteen days that I will have left in my current job, and I have to decide what's next. The reality of that is slowly becoming exhausting. Which is all why if I had my own business then I wouldn't have to worry about going on these interviews and trying to fit into something I never felt like I could fit into. Or maybe it's my own fear of being this professional to where people can see me and see all my flaws and imperfections? My fear of exposure?
It's a lot going on right now. So, while I do want the chance (I know life doesn't give you chances, opportunity, or whatever) to truly go all in on this business and see what it could be, I think my life comes first. I have to know where I am going to live and how I am going to get money to stay alive. On the first of the month, June 1st I planned on getting back into working on my business consistently doing even the little things like adding products to the site, finishing what I can on the site design, and blogging. I hope I can truly commit to that, and everything just works out personally to where I know what is so I can figure out the rest.
I do want this. And I know I have to make it work and see it through because I am deeply invested. I've imagined a creative world bigger than anything I've ever seen in life, and I feel like I've heard a lot of other people's story of their journey, people whom I admire greatly, and I still feel like it's not the same. They went through their things to get where they are, and I am going through mine so how do I come out of it on the other side and become the next Tabitha Brown, Alex Elle, Necole Kane, Issa Rae, and Pinky Cole Hayes in my own right? To be clear I do not want to be these people at all, I don't want to be someone else, but I want to be as free to be me as they are to be them. I want to create my dream life and live it too. Yet I don't know how to even do the basic version of this life. I have no idea what's going on right now God so let me just say that, but I am praying and looking at all the options and possible outcomes. I feel like there's not much I can do other than see how it all unfolds, and I pray that it is in my favor and that God leads me to the best possible outcome for my life and for my business. That's where I am at right now.