Dear God,
It’s Sunday, August 4th, 2024, 9:53am and I am 30 years old. And I said that to say God I don’t understand at all, but I know with every breath I breathe and for the life of me that this is not where I am supposed to be. This is not who I am. This is not who I am meant to be. I deserve so much better. I can be so much greater if I can just get away. And I knew from the beginning that is what I had to do but I really ain’t understand, I was always just trying to stay alive and that left no room for a plan. No room to explore in order to pursue anything. You know I kept my head down God and just tried to get through but now… That’s not even what I want anymore.
I know these people are not for me God. I know these places aren’t either and God I am here once again with witnesses to ask for you to show up for me. Tell me what I am supposed to be doing God, make my way, provide for me, protect me, and prepare me for the next stage of my life which I am beyond ready for. I have already wasted too much time. I know I’m behind but that’s because I ain’t have what they had. I feel like I’m trying to make something out of nothing, and I don’t even have a starting place.
God the way I have heard others speak of you. That’s the God I want to know. I don’t know. Yet, I still find it in me to somehow believe because I see other women whom I admire greatly living the life of their dreams. So, I feel like I can do the same right? God, I want to be able to sleep at night. I want to be able to take care of myself in the highest capacity. I don’t want to go back and forth with nobody. God, I pray remove them from me. Remove everybody and anybody from my life who is a threat and danger to the desires of my heart that are good and pure. A threat to my hopes and dreams. God remove toxic, abusive, messy, manipulative, chaotic, stressful, negative energy from me in every form. All of it God no matter who it comes from.
I have a lot to do God, and I know it. The more time I take to get started the less time I have and the harder it gets. So, God please do not let me go another year let alone month living the same. Forgive me for the times that I have been wrong. I just need space. I just need peace. I just need room to breathe and this environment and living situation, my current life circumstances aren’t for me. I know it God and that is why I pray to you to do what I know you can do. And I’ll go God. I’ve learned my lesson. Maybe in some ways I am stronger God but I’m still so weak. I have to rebuild myself and I don’t even know where to start. I’ll do my part when you remove from me, I won’t go back, I’ll go far. And I’ll accomplish every dream that you put in my heart God if you just show me the way. I don’t even know if this is how I’m supposed to pray like I hear so many things, but I am here God to say change me. Change my life for the better and give me the chance I have been waiting my whole life for. God, please let me see what I can do when I am free. Fund the hopes, dreams, and visions you’ve placed in me. And all these prayers I ask in your son Jesus name and give thanks. Amen. It is done. Show me. Let it all become my testimony. Thank you God.